This is going to be a very emotional post and I feel weird about it.
I’m turning 14 in less than a month. And I’m really sad about it.
It doesn’t sound scary. But It’s a pretty big deal.
I’m still getting used to the fact that I’m 13, to be honest. And now suddenly I’m about to become a year older. Great.
The thing is, being 13 feels like you have your WHOLE life ahead of you. Being 13 means you have all your teenage years stretching out in front of you, ready to be relished and treasured and lived. And those years are always there. Just ahead. Waiting to be enjoyed. You can plan for them and dream about them and look forward to them.
But now, they’re not just waiting there, it feels like they’re moving.
I know this sounds dumb to most people. You’re going to be 14! That’s a year closer to 18! How exciting! Or… it’s just a year. No big deal.
But really, it’s one year closer to old age as well. Which is pretty freaky. And all the, ‘Just a year’s add up to decades. It feels like I’ve run out of buffer time. When I was younger, I could do what I wanted, and it wouldn’t necessarily affect the future so much. Because there was always time, wasn’t there? I wasn’t yet a teenager. But now, I feel like whatever I do is going to affect the future. I’m very scared of time running out! I want to live a fully as possible, in the moment.
I really want to be young for as long as possible. What’s weird is that when I was younger, it seemed like it would be AGES till I turned ten. Ten was huge. Big girls were ten! And now I’m 13! It feels like only four seconds have passed since then. So I guess it could turn out like that with adulthood. You think that you have infinite youth and you waste your time… and in the blink (182?) of an eye, it’s gone. I know I only have this one life to live as me, and how vital it is to savour every moment of it.
I’m a bit scared.
If you think about it, birthdays seem quite arbitrary. Why celebrate your age? What’s the meaning of it? Why every 365 days? Why don’t we celebrate half-years? Imagine if we celebrated turning 14-and-a-half instead of turning 14! Well really… what difference would it make? I’ve met people who don’t know how old they are and they don’t really care. Because to be honest, knowing your exact age isn’t really important in day-to-day life.
Still, my birthday reminds me that I’m getting older. Slowly, sure, but it’s happening. It’s good to have a marking point to reflect on it. And it’s still scary.
What was the highlight of your teenage years? Any tips for me? 🙂 I love it when people reply. Please comment?