How To Lose Friends And Repel People

  1. Say things like, “That’s so gay,” and, “I didn’t know being that gay was legal.”
  2. Troll sites.
  3. Ask people the same stupid questions that everybody asks them.
  4. Have an atrocious taste in music.
  5. Drop someone’s pick into the hole of their guitar.
  6. Take the bookmark out of someone’s book.
  7. Spread rumours about people.
  8. Say yes when people offer you food but never offer them food.
  9. De-tune someone’s guitar.
  10. Never text someone first.
  11. Tell people when you don’t like how they look.
  12. Say to someone, who’s obviously from your country but has foreign parents, “Where are you from?”
  13. Unfollow people on Twitter.
  14. Think that if someone’s gay, that’s obviously the ONE and ONLY defining characteristic they have. Mention that they’re gay whenever you mention them.
  15. Think that boys always wear colours like blue and black and girls always wear colours like pink and purple.
  16. Assume that everyone who reads is boring
  17. Think it’s cool not to appreciate literature or learning.
  18. Ask kids, “How’s school?” instead of talking to them about something you’re both interested in.
  19. Say rude thing’s about people’s music taste (Except when they only listen to top 40 artists.)
  20. End up offending people, because you are confused by your sarcasm and you don’t know whether you’re being sarcastic or not anymore…
  21. Always  wait for your friend to suggest meeting up – never make the effort to ask them first.
  22. Dislike pizza.
  23. Choose a friend. Now only ever ask that friend to hang out with you when your other friends can’t make it. That friend is your, “Last resort” friend.
  24. Spam people on Twitter.
  25. Tell someone they’re your best friend and that you hate the popular girls. Then, forget about your “best friend” and go off with the popular girls.
  26. Never invite the lonely-looking kid to sit with you at lunch.
  27. When someone shows you a picture on their phone, feel free to scroll to the other photos that they aren’t showing you.
  28. Mix up the spellings of, “Your,” and “You’re.”
  29. Say, “God doesn’t exist,” instead of, “I don’t believe in god.”
  30. Talk about vomit at the dinner table.
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